Even if you don't think you negotiate on a daily basis, you do. I negotiate with my kids, husband, family, friends, clients, other real estate agent and even with myself. There are days when I am SO on top of my game. Really. I can out negotiate my children, which is HUGE and by far more challenging than negotiating with another real estate agent. Can I get an "Amen?" Let's hear it for our children, some of the best negotiators out there!
Recently I was involved in a situation where I literally had an internal break down while trying to negotiate a simple transaction. I think my biggest block was how incredibly defensive the other person in the situation was in regards to what I thought were reasonable requests. I pointed out a few items that weren't completed up to standard and the other person pointed out my errors in writing out what items I requested to be completed. Sounds fair, right? Right. Well, I shut down. I knew no matter what I said, how nice I could have said it, the situation was not heading in a healthy negotiation. I firmly believe that I am an excellent Realtor. I am moral, have integrity, represent my client to the fullest, I follow the rules, understand the contract, follow the time lines, play well with others and do what I can to keep all parties in the transaction happy. So, what's the deal this time Camille?
I think it is a combination of a few things. For starters, frustration. I was frustrated as to where the emails were headed, down the accusatory and defensive lane, so not how I play the game. Secondly, high expectations. Here I go expecting all parties involved to be playing with the same set of rules. Note to self, before my next contract negotiation, I will be sure that the other player is aware of my rules. I won't expect anyone again to live up to the expectations I hold for myself. Third, and lastly, professionalism. I will never let myself be anything but the consummate professional. My name is my brand in this business and I don't want to be associated with playing the game in any way that is less than professional. So, now what to do with these revelations?
Like everyone, I turned to my BFF Google. I searched online for negotiation experts and negotiation tips and came across this great article written by an an attorney. https://www.themuse.com/advice/negotiation-101-expert-advice-for-getting-what-you-want. Great stuff. When I worked at NSA there were a handful of speaker's with the expertise of negotiating, so if you want additional info, check out that site too. So much to learn in such a little amount of time. I also have a friend who is a trained negotiator for the FBI, so perhaps I need to pick her brain. Although she is trained to negotiate with criminals, I am sure she will be able to teach me the skills to not shut down out of frustration. She will be a wealth of information for me too, but then again, I have seen her six year old try to out negotiate her, so maybe I just need to take notes again from our children!
Being a Realtor is like being a college student. Each transaction is the equivalent of a semester in college. You learn and grown and then keep learning and growing again. This post may be off the beaten path of tip, tricks and how-to's in real estate, but it's a significant lesson that we can learn as a life skill. My lesson this "semester" was to figure out why I let this situation affect me like it did and not repeat that internal break down in the future.
What is your biggest challenge with negotiations, whether it be with a family member, an ex-spouse, co-worker, your boss or child? I would love to hear them. Feel free to post here OR join me on my Facebook Business page: https://www.facebook.com/pages/Camille-Kooi/486468058073154
I think the next blog post will be an exploration on my conflict management skills....stay tuned but don't hold your breath because who knows what will come up between now and then!
*Disclaimer: I do not claim to be a professional writer nor am I am proficient in where to place commas, when to italicize (or is it appropriate to italicize or use parenthesis?) and that my sentences are grammatically correct. I am merely releasing all the thoughts that are in my brain and sharing them with you. If you enjoy my posts GREAT but I know they are written with many errors. Taking a creative writing class or a grammar class is next on my “to do” list. I promise. I also like to use double exclamation points!!!! (sometimes more than 2 and sometime a question mark and exclamation point!) I am NOT a licensed mortgage lender, property manager, credit expert, professional negotiator or anything of that nature.. This is strictly "good info" to know regarding Real Estate as I learn it on the job!
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